I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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