You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
