So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
