the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
