Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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