Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
