I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
