wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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