Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
