OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
