i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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