I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
