DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
