Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
