It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I didn't notice because vodka
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
