And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
