Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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