so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
