Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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