nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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