So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
