She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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