Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
