Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
