I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
