We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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