I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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