There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
