"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
