is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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