We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
