I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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