im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
