Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
