my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize