if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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