atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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