I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
