dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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