I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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