I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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