it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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