Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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