I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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