That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
