So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
