i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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