ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
