We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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