Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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