God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
