He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
