margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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