Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
3pm strippers are depressing
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
