You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
