So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
