i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need a beard to bite.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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