How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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